Waves washing onto a misty beach beneath a wooded headland

When life is stressful, your body doesn't wait for your thinking mind to catch up. Your heart speeds up, your chest tightens, and there are butterflies in your stomach. In compassion-focused language, you've slipped into threat or drive mode, and your system is working hard to keep you safe.

The good news is that there's a direct line to the part of the nervous system that helps us settle: the breath. We can't think our way out of a racing heart, but we can send the body a different signal. Here are two of my favourite ways to do that.

Why breath works

Your autonomic nervous system runs largely in the background, shifting between mobilising (fight or flight) and settling (rest and digest). You can't order it to calm down, but you can change your breathing, and your body reads that pattern as a signal. A long, slow exhale tends to nudge the system towards settling.

The physiological sigh

You already do this naturally. It's the double sniff-in and long sigh-out we make after crying, or when we finally put down something heavy. Done on purpose, it can be a quick way to settle in the moment.

How to do it:

  1. Breathe in through your nose, filling your lungs most of the way.
  2. Without breathing out, take a second, shorter sip of air in through your nose, to top up.
  3. Let a long, slow breath out through your mouth, like a sigh. Let the exhale be longer than the inhale.
  4. Repeat one to three times, then return to normal breathing and notice what has changed.

A 2023 randomised study from Stanford found that five minutes a day of this kind of "cyclic sighing" improved mood and lowered breathing rate more than a comparison mindfulness practice. It was a small study, so I'd hold the findings lightly, but it fits what many of the people I work with notice: it's quick, discreet, and you can do it anywhere.

Box breathing

Box breathing is a steadier, more structured practice. It's often used to settle before something stressful, or when anxiety is simmering rather than spiking.

How to do it:

  1. Breathe in gently through your nose for a count of four.
  2. Hold for four.
  3. Breathe out slowly for four.
  4. Hold for four.
  5. Repeat for a few minutes. You might picture tracing the sides of a square.

Make it fit you. If holding your breath feels uncomfortable, shorten the holds or leave them out altogether. You could instead breathe in for four and out for six or eight, which is the pattern I often suggest for activating the parasympathetic ("rest and digest") system. If you have a medical condition that affects your breathing, or if breath-focused practices tend to bring up panic or difficult memories, check with your doctor or therapist first and go gently. Your anchor could just as well be your feet on the floor or the feel of your hands.

Which one when?

  • Physiological sigh: a quick reset when you notice stress rising: before replying to a difficult email, when the urge to rush kicks in, or on the way into a hard conversation.
  • Box breathing: a slower practice for building steadiness: first thing in the morning, before bed, or when you notice early signs of anxiety such as butterflies or tightness in the chest.

Building the habit: link it to your day

The most common thing I hear is, "It's so hard to remember what helps in the moment." Rather than relying on willpower, link the practice to something you already do:

  • While the coffee brews or the kettle boils
  • When you sit down in your parked car, before going to the next place
  • When you wash your hands or do the dishes

As best you can, practise when you're not stressed. It's like learning to swim in the shallows before you need to cross deep water: a skill rehearsed when stress is a 3 out of 10 is far easier to reach for when it's an 8.

Notice what happens

After a few rounds, pause for a few seconds and notice how your body feels. Are your shoulders any lower? Is your breath any slower? Treat it as an experiment rather than a test, and jot down what you notice. Taking even twenty seconds to reflect on what shifted helps a fleeting state become something more lasting.

Breathing is one leg of the table

Breathing practices aren't a cure-all, and they won't make difficult feelings disappear. They work best alongside the other legs of the table: sleep, nutrition, movement, time in nature, and connection with people who nurture you. And they pair well with the 3 R's: recognise what you're feeling, relate to it with kindness, and respond with a caring action. A breath is often a lovely way to respond.

If anxiety is making life smaller than you'd like, therapy can help. You're welcome to get in touch for a free 20-minute consultation.

This post is for general information and is not medical advice. If you're in crisis, contact the Samaritans on 116 123 or call 999.